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CULTURE Sure
I
got culture. Oddles of it. |
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FAQs
about the World's
Smallest Nation
K.I.S.S. (Kronish
International Secret
Service)
"Dogma
belong songkrik opini, Kronishlama belong gratgrat opini, museumini belong
shut
opini, oonoo Oskoo fun goyjini belong business opini, apac
folkswaggen belong kabah opini"
"Religion
is my war, Kronish is my poetry, museums are my guilt, and foreign
aid is my commerce but Folk Dancing is my soul."
--Kronish proverb
Folk Dancing.
Many tourists have said to me: "I have never seen anything like that
before in my life."
Reviewers have called it "lovely" or said it "defies description".
My native ethnic folk dances are a journey unto themselves. Performed mostly
to '60's lounge music, this is where I dance the pain of my gypsy soul.
My Minister of Propaganda calls my folk dances: "Kitsch, violent,
coquettish, regal, quaint, fierce and hallucinogenic". To see me live,
go to the Upcoming Performance page.
Language.
Kronish is the official language of Mykronesia. It may be more of
a pigin than a language, but this mix of Yiddish (or Yinglish) and
almost every
other language imaginable along with made-up words and simple grammar
is fun and easy to learn. You can also learn to write in Kronkaukvami,
the new Kronish alphabet.
Religion.
Although Judaism is the official state religion, I also had an Irish
Catholic population at some point. I wonder how that rich Irish culture
just suddenly
vanished. Could it have something to do with my bloody civil war?
Anyhoo, currently I do most of the major Jewish Holidays and worship
the true
trinity of Carmen Miranda, Bruce Lee and Faye Dunaway. The cult of
Barbra Streisand
has gained in popularity over the years with the 8 day Streisandia
festival now expanded to the whole month of December.
Museums.
I have made a great effort to protect my historical, artistic and
cultural legacy, which I now display in specially designed museums.
The museums
are mostly notebooks, and recycled hummus containers, open on
Sundays, and Monday evenings, by appointment only. Click here for
more info.
Festivals.
Throughout the year, I celebrate my complicated heritage, changing
seasons, religious holidays and life-cycle events, such as dry
cleaning and taxes,
with colorful and unique festivals. Though I am a modern nation,
my most traditional folkways are meticulously preserved.
Handicrafts.
When I'm not busy sewing elastic on underwear, I make lots of
nice souvenirs for tourists to buy. Choose from a selection of yadayada paperbeads, tankini scrolls and prayer flags, snapcajaini jewelry boxes, t-shirts and
of course, the official fragrance, Sovereignty, for the independent woman.
Cinema.
I am an unabashed cinephile. I haven't let the fact that I
haven't got a video camera get in the way of my national
movie-making. Right now,
all Kronish movies are made only in my head, so they are
not available for
export--yet. But you can read reviews here.