Mykronesia, she's a little nation that could.

Why did you decide to become an independent country?
Initially I did it for free medical care. Living in the United States and working as a temp, I could not afford health insurance. As a sovereign nation, I received humanitarian aid and excellent medical attention from Doctors Without Borders, who cleared up my chronic bronchitis. My independence came from this deep need for antibiotics, but it was also a goofy yet cynical gesture. I never expected that it would receive so much recognition. But after 7 years of sovereignty, and so many successes, I have grown to feel patriotic about myself.

How do I visit Mykronesia?
Check out the upcoming performances page. Or maybe come visit. And read everything on my web site, of course.

Where is Mykronesia?
I can usually be found in the New York area. In Manhattan, Brooklyn, Queens, or the International Criminal Court at the Hague where I am on trial for 2 counts of genocide and crimes against myself.

Are you part of the United Nations?
Absolutely. I love the U.N., especially the gift shop. I'm there all the time. I participate in the Working Group on Indigenous Populations, part of the Permanent Forum on Indigenous Issues. This means that I am indigenous to myself and get to meet with amazing indigenous advocates from all over the world. I am also a member of the U.N.'s HIPC (Heavily-Indebted Poor Countries Program).

Can I become a citizen?
Not possible, I'm afraid. I would love to be able to accept refugees from all over the world, grant them citizenship and provide them with jobs, health insurance and chup chup, but-- only my physical body is sovereign.

Yes, this includes my clothes.

What about your no-fly zone?
Around my body there is a one meter circumference no-fly zone (about the span of my arms), but not during rush hour. I'm sorry but it's just not enough space for you to live in, not even to avoid taxes, military conscription or statelessness. I know this from experience. When I had U.N. peacekeeping forces on my borders from 2001-2004, they were literally within arms' length at all times. At first, we played monopoly and went clubbing--and it was all fun, but in the end, we really got on each others' nerves. In addition, U.N. Resolution 253 (1999) prohibits me from annexing other people.

You can, however, become an international human rights observer, a U.N. ceasefire monitor, or a spy. Become a member of the Kronish Secret Service (K.I.S.S.). Of course, if you should be caught or killed I will have to disavow all knowledge of you...

How do you pronounce your name?
Thank you so much for asking. Most people just pronounce it incorrectly and get confused with Micronesia.

It's MyKRONeesjuh. Accent on the Kron.
Kron, rhymes with "Right On!"

What's the matter with your website?
Lots of things, and I'm trying to fix them. I am a poor country doing the best I can with what I've got. This means a laptop computer from 1996 that weighs about 40 pounds with a broken disc drive and dial up internet service. That's right, dial up. Not the optimal conditions for running a country.

If you have technical expertise or equipment to donate, email me right away at kron@mykronesia.com

Can you come and perform at my university (or corporate holiday party or conference on sustainable development)?
I'd love to. Just send me an email and we'll discuss the details.

Are you a regular person or a sovereign nation?
I am both.

Though I am a beneficiary of the U.N.'s food program--which is great--it's mostly ramen noodles and rice that I get from them. I still buy bananas at my local supermarket, wash my clothes at the laundromat, work two jobs to pay off my debts and hang out with my friends on weekends--just like anyone else.

Why don't you have any land?
It's cheaper to rent than to buy.

Do you have a flag?
Yes, it is the red field with a blue eye at the top of this page. But in the real world, it's very small and on the end of a toothpick. That way I can put it in a tropical cocktail.

How did you become a sovereign nation?
By Fiat. You don't ask for your freedom. You seize it.

Do you have a national cuisine?
Absolutely: Take-out Chinese Food. I make it the old-fashioned way; I get on the phone and order it.

What's the deal with your money?
Generally, I mint new Kronicles around the time of Chanukah, giving a whole new meaning to the words Chanukah Gelt. I design and photocopy--I mean mint--it myself so it's extremely low tech. The main idea is that it shouldn't be expensive to make money. Kronicles all have unique serial numbers and security strips.

What can I buy with Kronicles?
When I perform my native ethnic folk dances at Otto's Shrunken Head (a punk rock tiki bar in the East Village), Kronicles can be used to pay the cover charge. Soon there will be lovely merch on this website that can be bought with Kronicles too.

During the winter of 2004, Kronicles were accepted as payment at the Burger King on 168th Street in Manhattan. This program has been discontinued. Because of inflation, the Kronicle doesn't have much purchasing power. Go to the currency page to see pictures.

I'm looking for the website for the Federated States of Micronesia.
Here you go--www.visit-fsm.org

How and why did you create your own language?
I'm fascinated by created languages, like Esperanto, even though they are overwhelmingly European in their vocabulary and structure.

Originally, Kronish was intended to be a language that only I could read and write. Kronish has its own alphabet and is written right to left like Hebrew, and I used it primarily to write in my journal while on crowded buses. The vocabulary and grammar began as a game to keep myself awake at boring temp jobs, where I would translate poems that I know by heart into Kronish, and the results were too funny to keep to myself. The vocabulary is primarily drawn from Yiddish--well, Yinglish really, but there are also various combinations of Hawaiian, Tongan, Russian, Spanish, French, and occasionally Sanskrit and Latin, along with words I made up. I tried to come up with words that resonated in several different language families.

Isn't Mykronesia a Jewish nation?
I am a half-Jewish nation. (My mom is Jewish (mostly), dad is Irish but I've got 9 other ethnicities in me including Azerbaijani and Roma). Judaism is the official state religion, but a very syncretic form combined with my indigenous shamanic practices. That means I fast on Yom Kippur but also light incense and pray at my Faye Dunaway altar. There are also religious festivals devoted to the worship of Carmen Miranda and Bruce Lee. I also usually have a Passover seder luau.

Aren't you a member of ASEAN? How did you manage that? And how do you reconcile that with your status as an EU aspirant?
I am a member of the Association of South East Asian Nations. I met former ASEAN Secretary General, Dato Ajit Singh, at an art opening in Hong Kong back in 2001. He kept saying how much I resembled Indonesia, especially economically--and I was terribly flattered, I mean, Indonesia's gorgeous. I was totally floored when the member states asked me to join in 2002. Although ASEAN promotes amity plus political and economic cooperation among its member states, it does not, at this point, come anywhere near the integration of the European Union.

Since I don't have any land to tie me down, why not be in Europe and Asia at the same time? I am confident that I will improve my human rights record within the next two years and be able to join the European Union. Bet I'll get in before Turkey.

Aren't you already a European Union member state?
Not yet. I began the accession process 2 years ago but haven't managed to assimilate the European legal code, or improve my human rights record to the satisfaction of the Commission. I still torture myself.

Do you have a national anthem?
Sure, but it's really more like a jingle.

What does "IPSA DIXIT" mean?
Ipsa Dixit means "she said it herself" in Latin. I use it as my motto, because I became a nation by fiat.

What kind of government do you have?
Parliamentary Dictatorship

Do you have a constitution?
Yes, but unwritten, at this point.

The primary governing body is a parliament known, in Kronish, as the SNT or Senetu (pronounced SEHNEHTOO). Senetu is an acronym for the three branches within it: the Sedita, the Nefret and the Tumago. In English that would mean: the Body, the Mind and the Heart.

Ideally, all decisions, even minor ones, require the unanimity. On the ground, this translates into endless debates with very little actually getting done. Just like everywhere else.
In practice, the triumvirate gives each branch veto power. There has been a movement among the Tumagoini to create a fourth branch called the Kahbah (Soul) which would presumably balance the scales differently. However, there has been no official agreement on the definition of Kahbah. Sometimes it is described in Cartesian terms, and others simply as an affinity for James Brown.

Aren't you still at war with yourself? Where are the blue berets? Where are your U.N. peacekeepers? I miss them.
Although I still torture and abuse the Irish part of myself, technically I am in round two of ceasefire negotiations after the implementation of the Dim Sum Agreements in July 2004. The U.N. Security Council decided not to send me any more peacekeepers.
I miss the peacekeepers too. The U.N. has sent 4 peacekeeping missions to Mykronesia between 2001 and 2004. That's a total of 11 soldiers, 8 men and 3 women. They came from Italy, France, Sri Lanka, and Canada. Sometimes they helped me carry my groceries, even though it's prohibited by the Geneva Conventions.

Why do you hate China?
I don't hate China. I boycott China. I give information, comfort and hard currency to China's enemies. I invade China (not that anyone noticed). But all I want is what's best for China --that is for China to do what I say, adopt the form of government I want and further my geo-strategic goals. This is love.

Are you seeing anyone? Would you like to go out for a coffee sometime?
Whoa! I'm very flattered, but that's a state secret. Issues of national security, you understand.

Will you marry me?
No, thanks.

I want to be an independent nation too. How did you do it? Can you help me?
Go for it. Be as independent as you like. That part is easy. It’s the international recognition that’s hard to come by.

I was a sovereign nation for quite some time before other world leaders began to take me seriously. It was total dumb luck that I was finally able to meet people who could really help. All the schmoozing in the world won’t get you anywhere if you are doing it with the wrong crowd. Determination and persistence are the foundation, but it’s hard to get anywhere without a little luck.

Though I’d probably enjoy sending you humanitarian aid, or arming your insurgents, I’m a poor country. I can only send you my best wishes.

Why are your borders closed? What happened to the tours?
At times I weary of being picturesque and explaining my customs to foreigners. Sometimes even your vacation spot needs a vacation.

Why don't you update your website more frequently? There are some broken links.
Thanks for visiting my website frequently. You should get frequent flyer miles. My ancient computer has spyware problems that I have not yet managed to correct. A major update of this site is schedule to be complete soon. But the Upcoming Performances page should always be current.

I wish I had more time to devote to my website, but I work full-time as a temp in a office, spend 14 hours a day sewing elastic on underwear for foreign consumers, and at night I perform my native ethnic folk dances for tourists in NYC's underground cabarets. Sometimes a nation needs her beauty rest.

For more frequent news on my civil war and upcoming performances, just email me at kron@mykronesia.com and I'll put you on the list for updates via email.

Got a question for Mykronesia?
Bring it on: kron@mykronesia.com.